I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My feet surprised me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
