If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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