she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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