Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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