if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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