Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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