just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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