oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
