How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
