I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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