i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Blood and glitter go together right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
