How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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