yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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