at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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