I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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