I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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