I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
