I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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