Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
