There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
