she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize