I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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