For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
