I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
