You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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