weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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