She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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