if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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