Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
