like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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