I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
