3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
