they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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