So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
