Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
