Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
