ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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