can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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