I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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