you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
