Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
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My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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