New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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