i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
