loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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