I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier