i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
