batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He did a backflip because drugs
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