Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
