She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
