I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
