I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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