I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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