You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
