dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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