Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
