my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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