woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
