aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
