If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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