god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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