found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
