Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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