He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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