worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
