If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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