They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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