Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And then my night got REAL pukey
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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