i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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