Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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