you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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